I cant take it anymore, all of what I done means nothing....I did nothing my life is nothing and I am gone to him, so why not be gone to everyone else...The pain of loving someone who so quickly got "over" you is more painful than living a lie with that person. Why couldnt I have just faked happiness, but oh no, I had to show my emotions and everything....why am I so stupid? I cant get over him, everyone says I should, but I cant, I just love him so much, I cant help it, and there is no love back...its hard dealing with this, I just cant do it, I dont know how long Ill last, why does life seam like a constant stream of punches that are only trying to force me into insanity....its like he doesnt even care for me anymore, like Ive become a nothingness not worth caring about, I tried so hard to be perfect for him, I mean, the only thing I couldnt do was be female but thats not my fault, I had no control in that, and yet its like Ive done nothing at all, like I am a nothing....why oh why didnt I listen to myself in the beginning, why did I involve myself in a friend, I told myself hes bi and in the closet, he will only hurt you, dont get attached, dont date but I fell for it, I FELL FOR HIM, why didnt I just listen, it would have made it all the easier, I would still have a friend but instead I have someone to love and hate at the same time, to give me pain all the time, to disclude me from his life, somethign I never wanted to face, the horridness of an ex, my worst fear.......

Id put a song up here but Ive already done it, probably twice...oh well, Ill do it again...

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You Oughta Know

I want you to know that I'm happy for you

I wish nothing but the best for you both

An older version of me

Is she perverted like me

Would she go down on your in a theater

Does she speak eloquently?

And would she have your baby

I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'Cause the love that you gave that we made

wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no

And every time you speak her name

Does she know how you told me you'd hold me

Until you died, 'til you died

But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you went away

It's not fair to deny me

Of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful

I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know

Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity

I hate to but you in the middle of dinner

It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced

Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

'Cause the love that you gave that we made

wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no

And every time you speak her name

Does she know how you told me you'd hold me

Until you died, 'til you died

But you're sill alive

And I'm here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you went away

It's not fair to deny me

Of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me

And I'm not gonna fade

As soon as you close your eyes and you know it

And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back

I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

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So tonight I got to see him, and all I could think about was how much I wanted him, it moved on and I wanted him more and more, I couldnt help it, I wanted someone to be stupid and dare me to do something with him but no one wanted to be the asshole, I wanted to makeout with him when the bottle landed on him, I wanted him so badly knowing only that I couldnt have him, knowning that he was over me like a living person in a cemetary, Im 6 ft under relationship to him, and I cant do anything about it