Oh god, the pain is so unbearable I dont know why it has to be like this. I went over my ex's all good and happy cause our relationship had been improving and flirt here flirt there and then the most passionate kiss of my life. But it wasnt for me and the flirting was dedicated to his g/f. I didnt exist, was out of the picture, ignore, beyond care, even his siblings noticed it. and I was alone. So then we went for the walk, its the walk because it was the most horrid moment of my life. We walked and he told me he couldnt be with me because he had her, which didnt explain why he never could be with me, even when he was with me and telling me how much he loved me once it got to a point he dumped me like a rock, which happened twice. So then I sat not really caring as it didnt really matter, hes told me that it was over before. But then the worst thing in my life happened, a chain I wore around my neck which pretty much symbolized our relationship, from in the beginning when he would ask for it for no good reason, to when he would shove it down his pants to see if I would fetch it, he happened to have from early flirtation and he gave it back. I could feel it, in that moment, feel the cold grip of loneliness touch me and pull me into the blank abiss. He had never given it back in the manner that he did, ever...it was like it all died in the instance and I was tramatize. Now I wont say Im going to go kill myself as I cant because of his father who gave me a speech about not disappoint him (which, when dealing with asian parents, is hard to deny), though I might cut to rid of pain. But, I cant understand, Im not conceeded enough to believe anyone wants me but I could feel it even while he was dating, in the way his hand would attempt to hold on to my hand as it moved away, in the way his voice was when he told me something sweet, IN THE FUCKING KISS!!!! I could tell there was something in him that told me he wanted me but for some odd reason he was denying me of it, and I cant take this. Not even that important as I later realized holey fuck, almost all of my close male relationship deal with flirting. And then I realized thats what had happened tonight, it was the we cant anymore. Where will that lead our freindship. Even withh that, I dont know how well I can cope with even talking to him without dying of pain and breaking down and crying. I need him so badly and even with that song, through all my trying, I havent gotten what I need. And I fear that the friendship will fail and then Ill have nothing of him....I just cant take that...oh god, the pain, I havent cried this much sense my mental breakdown, I...I cant stop crying