blek, this has been the worst week of my life...and its only been a three day week by my standards!! I get tons of hw and it pains me and causes me not to be able to get to eat until about this time. Then, wedsday comes and I find out that my 9th grade spanish teacher who was one of my favorite teachers died of lupis. This has a horrible affect on me and I was all depressed and stuff but I cheered up. Then I realized something and my day was brightened, the sun figuratively rose and I was gleeful. Oh, but whats this, I come to find out that my friend with benifits, my flirt, my summer boy toy had gotten a girlfriend, not only that, but it had happened 2 days before and I wasnt inform, left in the cold. Ive been thinking all day why this affected me, I mean, I wasnt in a relationship or anything so I shouldnt care. At first, I thought it had to do with the fact that it was with a girl (though this would affect me) as him being with a girl would be his CONTAMINATED with girl. Like if theres a kiss I wouldnt be able to kiss back without thinking about it. This would go on with anything more extreme. Plus, I doubt he'll ever come back to me, I mean really, going from closet case no freedom in relationship to expression of love, he wouldnt want that closet crap with me anymore. Ah, being a left over, unwanted and left in the dark, thats so...like my life. So then I figured it might be that. Well after a full day of making theory after theory I figured out that though they might be a small percentage of my depression, its really caused by the fast truck smack in the face of him being in a relationship. After a summer of flirts and "I still really like you"'s, I got hit by this truck that all of that is gone, all of it. I should have expected it. God Im so stupid, I think I should kill myself to keep from hurting myself and others....