Ugh, only a small amount of time (a week) before school starts. My watch was behind so I thought it was 2 weeks. Stupid watch, its been doing that alot lately. So I have to do alot. First, I have to prepare for schools and get the supplies and crap. Then, I have to learn to drive. Also, on the last day of volunteering, this thursday, I have to get them to put all my hours together and right it down on the sheet. I also have to plan a party, which also has to be thursday, which means I get to wake up at 7 for volunteering and then try and make it home in time to entertain my friends. I also have to learn how to drive, which will be alot harder now that school is starting. Crap, I feel like crap. School will start and I will feel like I havent accomplished anything. I think that with my personality it wouldnt matter what I did, I would always consider myself a failure. Speaking of which, I think Im too insecure and this causes me to get jealous very easily. I mean, added with the fact that I get attached fast, my insecurity and envious ways, if someone I liked were to even look in the direction of another I would get angered and eventually depressed. And I dont see why, I mean, I dont own them and Im not even in a relationship so why should I care. Another one of my imperfection I guess. And so Ive like always become depressed. Im not even sure why there is depression, there was funness but then there was blah. Maybe its that my friends had to leave, that usually depresses me but it has to be something else cause them leaving doesnt usually depress me this much. Maybe its that my life is in ruin, you know, little sister, or family in general, being too annoying and having too many problems that you dont want to deal with anymore. Also, I find I have a problem with the future. I dont like the idea, I think I realized something about a friend and I dont like it. He said it might not happen but I can see it already. Hes attracted to females more and I feel he will leave me one day, try to forget me as something in the past he wouldnt want to tell his children and wife. And when I go to college, we wont be anywhere near each other, and then we will forget each other, and another friendship will be lost to the affect of time on distance. I wish I didnt have to have emotions and have to get attached to people. I wish I could watch this world from afar so as I would not have the chance to get attached, I dont like to lose friends, the thought makes me want to cry, and yet I have this extreme feeling that it is inevitable that I will lose all my good friends and be destined to lose people until I get old and alone and die alone. Why is life a constant test of how much pain we can take? I wish that in this life I could just feel some real love, some true faithful love so that I could for once not have to experience pain....

bah, being a teenager is crap.