(for those of you who dont want to here any more about the ex I got over ((the one before last)), I suggest you not read this entry, it will be ranting, raving, depressed shit like usual)

. . .Im such a fool, why would I torment myself in such a foolish way. I keeped His letters, the ones sent during school, I dont know why, for the memories I guess, but what a fool I am, depression has overriden me, I miss him, I dont know why, my last boyfriend was to keep me happy, content, my mind off of the one before that, I used him...

I am sorry for this, as much as I can be, I am truely sorry for this, I should have known better...

I reread the notes, the ones sent to me, I could remember His passion for me, but not as well as the notes had reminded me, I shouldnt have been a fool...

I cant get Him out of my head, He wont go away, every moment, every second, he is there, images of Him, His glazed over eyes, the ones only love can bring, His kissable lips...

listen to me, like a schoolgirl wanting a boyband popstar, drooling over the pictures of Him, but ah, I am different, for I had Him, touched Him, felt His love, and now, now I find it is gone, my fire, my passion, He stole my heart, forever. . .

I reread His break-up email, and now I know there is no point, I was going to send Him a letter, maybe to cheer myself up, but neh, He explained all I needed to hear, I was only a love from high-school, nothing more, and now there is no more hope...

Such a fool for believing that for once, maybe life didnt have it out to get me, such a fool for believing that there was only one thing life couldnt ruin and that was love, but I was proven wrong, like the fool I am, proven that life does take away love, it does it with a vengence. . .

Someone, anyone, kill me, my heart aches from the pain of memories of Him, I cant get Him away, I tried, I tried to make Him get out of my head, my last boyfriend, my fake hatred, but it just didnt help, it only caused me to want him more, and now, I see there is nothing left for my pathetic soul...

Why didnt He see it, why couldnt He see that His love would only end in pain for this naive childe He twisted around His finger, this naive childe that twisted Him around that childe's finger, why didnt He realize that his love was a beacon of light, of hope, that this childe followed like a moth, and did He not realize that when he shut off that light, the moth was shattered, its wings burnt and it left cold and to die on the floor...and now, the childe burnt by his love-heated touch, the moth withering and shaking in fear, is left only in search of that light, burning so brightly, the light that engulfed his own light, that brought the childe to be shattered like a smashed in mirror, and the moth to wither and die on the floor, only a broken soul left, a hopelessly lost soul, forever striken by knowing what it feels like, what love feels like, doomed for an eternity to be stuck in a memory. . .

Um, I think I cant go on, it really hurts, I have a sharp pain in my chest, I think thats bad, I need Him back, but I know this will never happen, he has gone on past high school, and I have been left behind, to rot in my kingdom, my kingdom of dispair...