. . .yesterday was yet another depression day in the chapters of my life. Yet another gone from my life, yet another who wished not to be with me any more. Some tell me this is what I get for getting involved, others say its entirally his fault, either way, it really doesnt matter, either way Im all alone again......

...I sat in the rain yesterday, I sat and watched the raindrops fall on my face, eventually, my eyes started to hurt. I then began to cry and cry, I cried to this friend and then I cried to that one, it wasnt just the thought of losing another, it was also the difficulty in finding men, especially those of my "type" being that they tend to emulate straightness (with the except of that but even he had his straight side in his utter queerness). As some have told me, it seams Im self-destructive and that I only cause myself pain with the guys I get involved with, ah, vita abomino.....

hmmm, and I miss him, though (especially if he does read this), there is nothing that will change that. And stupid hope, have to make me believe I have chances, but no, hope is just faulty believe, hope will only ruin you in the end. Gak, I think Ive had enough talking about it, it only brings me more depression, I would find a song for this feeling, but then I might kill myself, maybe moonlight senota...but I cant put that on here as it has no words. . .Yes, as I mentioned before, life, I hate you (or rather life I hate).......maybe Ill go off and kill myself.....