I saw it coming, all day I say it coming.  I moped and nearly cried several times and it was a warning, it was my body preparing it self for the mass amount of pain – the Armageddon of my Heart.  He broke it off with me, my boyfriend of course.  He didn’t want to cause me pain, I couldn’t let him know.  I don’t despise him like some of my friends despise those who broke them, but I can’t be “friends” with him, at least not without once again feeling the burning pain of a broken heart.  If I managed to see him, see his beauty and ah that I feel in love with, I don’t think I would be able to last, I think I would die then and there, knowing what I can’t have and having it dangle so close to my heart’s grip.  I can’t be mad at him though, maybe its hope, maybe it’s my unwillingness to lose a friend over a relationship, maybe I just don’t want to lose him…or maybe it’s a combination of all three.  I should have realized it earlier, I mean, I had been more hopeful and the day I am to find out that it’s over forever it’s the day I’m almost in tears at school because of it.  Of course, I take some (if not all) of the blame.  I shouldn’t have been so naïve, he had warned me, told me after high school it would no longer work.  I must have had hope.  I new from the beginning I shouldn’t have let my blood-stained shards of a heart out of their iron cage, but he had the key to open it, to open it and tend to them…but only to drop it on the floor again. Why did he have to say those things!? He told me he loved me, and I for once loved back withoutprotection.  How foolish of me to believe his drug-induced mumbles of forever and marriage.  But I guess I cannot blame the drugs for my belief.  I cannot live a life without love, and who is there to love.  I have only the deepest hatred for my family, my friends are only female (and though a female makes a great friend, they are not loves), and those that aren't are either straight or delicate like a rose, something that the acid touch of my hand would kill...I cannot live with that.  Besides, even if I found a good fuck or someone worth thinking about, they would only be a slight mirage to the love I had for him.  How young I must have seamed (and still seam) to have been naive enough to fall for someone who was out of my league by far...and it seams like only yesterday that I can remember being...happy.  And now, I only have this frown of stone and eye-lids stuck that only try to touch, tear ducts that don't work and yet try so very hard to cure the pain.  Nothing with cure it, not the top depression medicine, not the best pagan potion, not the deepest amnesia, nothing.  I loved him, I was in love with him, he was the only person I could see the rest of my life with, and, as if only a drawling in the sand of an Arabian desert, it faded away. 

 

My life is nothing without him, my existence is nothing without him, the reasons for breathing and eating aren't so apparent without him, I let myself go for a man and now, I am nothing without him...

 

- "To those who bare the mark of a broken heart, I can only wish you the only one true cure...death"