You know the feeling when you realize something horrible, something that you knew but wanted to ignore, that feeling that churns your stomach and makes you want to vomit...I feel like that. I think Im starting to believe them about my relationship with my boyfriend (the same one Ive been with for a while now), that he really is ignoring me, and that he really doesnt love me, and that I really do need to get over him. But a life without him is like a life not worth living. I dont know what to do, I cant go past him, it would be like going from the lighted house thats cold (denial for those who cant figure it out) and then into the cold, dark, uncharted and unsave world (reality people, reality and being without love). I dont think I could handle this. Also, It would bring me to one conclusion that I concluded a while back but then left and would then regressing belief wise...anyways, I would come to the conclusion that there is no true love, that "love" is a word meaning a special feeling, also known as pain. I dont know if I could live knowing I cant have what I desire and that what I desire has the ability to choose not to desire back.

Slit my wrists, drink my poison, my mind is tainted with reality and my ignorance has been taken away...